A Very Short Story

 HERE IS A QUICK PIECE I WROTE A FEW YEARS BACK WHEN THINGS WERE VERY DIFFERENT, AND I SPENT MANY HOURS IN TRAIN STATIONS.

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"Holly's Little Book"

Holly thinks it should be easy to write a novel about the man she loves.  She is completely wrong...

Chapter 1

            On the beautifully tiled floor of Union Station, backlit by the afternoon glow, is the cockroach Matt just squished with the wheel of his rolling suitcase.  But he is not worried about this dead creature on the floor.  He is worried about making the train on Platform 7.  Even more than the train, he is worried that I may be pregnant.  And more than a potential baby, I am worried about someone in bare feet or slight sandals coming across the squished cockroach.

            This is as far as Holly got in her book.  The reason for this is the very nature of her theme.  Love is difficult and wonderful and fleeting and timeless and more often than not, a giant pain in the ass.  When she believed she was pregnant, she was completely in love with Matt, and therefore, not worried about having his baby.  Despite the bad timing, she was actually quite elated.  When they realized it was a false alarm, he was relieved and she knew it was the end.

            She began writing her novel when she believed she was pregnant.  It was ten at night on a Wednesday and she was four hours late.  They left for the train station the next morning.  She was still late and told him about it.  He was shocked and then he pretended to be calm and then he threw in a little excitement.  Mostly, he was scared shitless.  When he found out she was only one day late, his mind was put at ease and he said a prayer to God for the first time in twelve years.  

“Please God, don’t give me a baby.  I couldn’t handle it right now.”

Matt’s prayer was answered that afternoon on the train.  That afternoon on the train also brought the end of Holly’s novel.  Holly could no longer romanticize their relationship.  She could no longer picture Matt pushing their son on a swing in the park.  She could no longer envision him giving their daughter a bath and her little hands splashing water back at him.  The whole family would laugh together and then Matt and Holly would kiss.  They were very happy in her fantasies with the little baby.  Without the baby it was just them.  And just them wasn’t easy to romanticize anymore.

Holly was madly in love with him, and even though he was madly in love with her, he was no longer madly in love with life.  He could no longer face another day at work with any enthusiasm.  He could no longer rally himself to paint the garage door or fix the bathroom tiles.  He could no longer speak about going back to school.  Essentially, he could no longer face the idea of changing his routine.

And this, she knew, was the end of them.  If he couldn’t rally for a tile or an education or his alarm clock, he couldn’t rally for their future.

Holly’s story started as a book about love.  It ended as a paragraph about love.  Maybe not the love she wanted to write about, but love nonetheless.

Gettin' Busy

Well, it seems as though I gave up on my ladylike quest once I stopped getting unemployment money on that snowy mountain debit card.  I've got a job now, so apparently I can remain uncouth and immature . . . But really, let's face it, I didn't have much going on last year at this time. 

Even though I'm now up to my eyeballs with essays to grade, creative side projects, and a mountain of housework, I've decided to NOT give up on this blog.  Looking back at my previous posts, they create an interesting snapshot of life one year ago...

I was quite broke, feeling quite alone, and spending too much time watching television.  Now, I still watch way too much boob-tube, but I can pay my bills - and more importantly - I feel much more comfortable in my own skin.  I'm not any more or any less "alone" than before, but now I'm at a point where being alone doesn't feel lonely.  And that feels pretty good. 

So, I'll do my best to get back on track with my entries.  Perhaps I'll post a short story or two.  Maybe you'll even be lucky enough to get a taste of my junior high poetry (why yes, I did find my old journals in my parents' garage recently)!

Julia's 100th!

In honor of Julia Child's 100th birthday, I was planning on making something delicious from her recipes and posting a gorgeous picture of it.  However, it's very hot here in sunny Los Angeles and turning on the oven sounds like a terrible idea.  Instead, I'll just say Happy Birthday to a truly great woman who changed many lives.

Growing up, I watched many food t.v. shows with my grandparents, which is how I really cultivated a love of eating.  We watched hours of tv programs and tried to recreate the recipes for dinner.  Those are some of my favorite memories of my grandfather.

My favorite program (other than Child's) was "World Class Cuisine" narrated by a lady with a wonderful foreign accent.  I believe it was on one of the public broadcasting channels, though we did watch quite a bit of Food Network too.  This was long before the Food Network could boast about much.  Mario Batali's "Molto Mario" was a favorite, as well as "East Meets West" with Ming Tsai.  I miss the low budget food programming of the 80s and 90s.  Everything looks so slick or comes in the form of competitions now.  Sometimes I just want to watch a really amazing chef cook, especially on location in his or her restaurant.

None of us would be the amateur chefs that we are today (or be able to make such wonderful family memories through cooking) if not for Julia Child and her determination to bring decent cooking to the people!  So thank you and happy birthday!

Hitchcock's Ladies

In honor of Mr. Alfred Hitchcock's birthday (August 13, 1899), I have compiled a list of my 10 favorite female characters from his films.  Though we all know he was fond of the blondes as leading ladies, he's got a few brunettes in there that deserve some credit too!  I also think the supporting women deserve a bit more credit, as they were sometimes much more interesting than the lead.

1. Joan Fontaine as The Nameless Wife (Rebecca, 1940) Poor thing, she doesn't even get her own name!  Of course, this was the conceit from the novel (and might I add, the very different and much darker novel) which made her just so pathetic.  She finally grows a bit of a backbone in the film, but more than not, you root for her because she's so helpless.  And I think we can all imagine ourselves thrown into the world of Manderley and behaving in just the same way.  Memorable Blunder: The Costume Ball

2. Kim Novak as Madeleine Elster (Vertigo, 1958) What a stunner Kim Novak was in this film.  As a cold blonde becoming possessed with an ancestral spirit, she embodies the perfect blend of romanticism and the occult.  Of course, things twist and turn (I'll try to avoid spoilers, despite it being released over 50 years ago!), but even with her faults, she's still so enticing.  Memorable Costume: That Gray Suit

3. Kim Novak as Judy Barton (Vertigo) Okay, so this is kind of a cheat.  But she's a wonderful, genuine, and well-rounded character on her own.  In fact, I think Novak should get more credit as an actress for this switch.  She's often ignored because of her good looks.  Memorable Feature: Those eyebrows!

4. Patricia Hitchcock as Barbara Morton (Strangers on a Train, 1951) I absolutely love the roles Pat (Hitch's real life daugher) plays in his films.  In Strangers, she's a quippy, sarcastic young girl who romanticizes murder until she comes face to face with it.  Plus, she's got some great one-liners.  Memorable Scene: The Party Strangler

5. Janet Leigh as Marion Crane (Psycho, 1960) The film opens on Leigh in her underwear (yowza) having an affair.  Then she steals a bunch of money and goes on the run.  Not the typical "leading lady" so far.  In fact, nothing she does is leading lady material, though it seemed she had intentions of redeeming herself.  Unfortunately, she never got the chance.  Memorable Prop (other than the shower curtain): The Newspaper Filled with Cash

 6. Ingrid Bergman as Dr. Constance Petersen (Spellbound, 1945) I just adore a love story that gets the audience to forget just how inappropriate the relationship is!  Ingrid Bergman, a psychotherapist who's far too good looking to be that scientific, falls in love with her patient, a dashing Gregory Peck, amidst a backdrop of PTSD and surrealist dreams (done by Salvador Dali himself).  I like Bergman because she's all woman.  She is sometimes vulnerable, but never pitiable.  Memorable Dream: All Those Eyeballs!

7. Barbara Bel Geddes as Midge Wood (Vertigo) Poor Midge is in love with Jimmy Stewart (her dearest friend), he knows it, but he just can't make it happen.  I admire her because she's a straightforward, no-nonsense kind of woman with a good career and a fantastic apartment.  She designs underwear and has a great sense of humor about it.  Unfortunately, she's in competition with Novak and her many assets.  We've all been there.  Memorable Heartbreak: The "Humorous" Painting

8. Thelma Ritter as Stella (Rear Window, 1954) Grace Kelly is lovely, but boring.  There, I said it!  I much prefer Ritter as the wisecracking sidekick she plays in many films, especially this one.  As she becomes embroiled in the murder mystery, her tenacity keeps the detective work alive!  Memorable Quote: "Must've splattered a lot . . . Come on, that's what we're all thinkin'!"

9. Teresa Wright as Young Charlie (Shadow of a Doubt, 1943) Poor Charlie has so much growing up to do.  As much as she idolizes her uncle (the amazing Joseph Cotten), she's got to admit there's something funny going on with him.  I find this film to be particularly frightening because of the family psychology behind it.  Memorable Tune: "The Merry Widow's Waltz"

10. Judith Anderson as Mrs. Danvers (Rebecca) What a creepy bitch!  She is by far my favorite Hitchcock female, perhaps favorite character from any of his films, because she has so much brewing beneath the surface.  Danvers embodies the film's themes of grief, obsession, and betrayal, while offering a sexual undertone that the censors couldn't fight.  Memorable Mindf**k: "Do you think the dead come back and watch the living?"

Cactus Killer

Well, I've done it.  You said it couldn't be done, but I did it.  And did it well!  I've killed a cactus.  A beautiful little succulent died at my hands.  "How," you might ask, "did you manage it?"  Well, apparently cacti need a lot of sunlight and don't need a lot of water.  This must be why my little cactus turned into a sort of prickly Water Wiggler in my living room.

I must admit that this most recent herbicide was particularly heartbreaking.  Not only was this cactus a housewarming gift from a dear friend, but it was also the one plant I was quite sure I could keep alive.  It symbolized my skills as a homemaker.  It held all of my domestic hopes in its beautifully curved vase . . .

But seriously, it was a real bummer.  I still have one plant alive in the house, and it is now closely monitored.  Which brings me to my next project: silk flower arrangements.

I'm Not Rich, and That's Okay

Today I have to go to Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills, where I'll be surrounded by rich people and piles of things I can't afford.  It's a work trip, but there's something about walking into those stores that makes me feel like a fraud!  What I've realized about feeling my best in these situations is - be unique!

So what if I can't afford any of this stuff?  So what if I'm looking at jewelry more expensive than a house?  What's important is that I don't act like I shouldn't be there, because you know what?  It's just stuff.  None of the people who work in the shops can afford any of it either!

In terms of being unique, I like to wear vintage pieces, something I bought at a craft fair, or perhaps a funky pair of shoes I found in a thrift store.  The key for me is to put together a look that is entirely me, not entirely "Rodeo" (because frankly, I wouldn't dress that way even if I had the money).  Putting on a piece of fun costume jewelry will get just as many (if not more) compliments than the real stuff.

And I think this is applicable to many events and outings.  Going to a friend's birthday party with her well-to-do girlfriends?  A fancy theater event?  No need to break the bank to fit in with the crowd.  Let yourself stand out from it!

Protecting Ourselves

Several nights ago, I had a dream that I was being attacked by a very scary man, and I couldn't fight him off.  No matter how hard I tried to push him away, he was stronger, and I knew I was going to lose the fight. 

As everyone knows, a few days ago innocent people, just trying to watch a movie, were murdered in Colorado. 

Last night, while getting ready for bed, we heard seven gunshots.  When I put my ear to our open window, I heard a man yelling for help.  I couldn't tell where it was coming from, but luckily, the sirens approached quickly so I knew it was being taken care of.  As it turns out, an unidentified man shot at three homeless men, hitting one.


Normally, I feel very safe walking from my car at night.  I've had no concerns about living across the street from a park.  But isn't that what many victims think?

All of these incidents reminded me that all people, but especially women, need to learn to protect themselves.  I'm not sure exactly how to do this, but what could be more important?  It's frightening to think that I can live my life as a good person, not do harm to others, and still end up hurt or killed because I was in the wrong theater or walked by a neighborhood park a little later than usual.

Surely I don't have a solution to any of this chaos, but I can say that I'm looking into self-defense classes.